Viktoriia Chernous
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Krivoi Rog,
Ukraine
6 months 28 days back
available for hire
on the service 10 months 28 days
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7 USD Work: Close to the goal
Articles & Blog PostsI have loved her since childhood. The girl with long braids. I love her eyes, lips, even those ribbons in her hair that once were my little happiness.
I have loved her for so long that I don't remember myself without this feeling. But I remember her scent perfectly — fresh like morning rain, little freckles on her cheeks, and the pink dress with a bow in which she first smiled at me.
… We grew up together. We studied in school and university, lived in the same entrance. There was a feeling that we were part of one story that life was writing.
Almost fifteen years have passed since the day I first saw this girl in my yard. But during this time, I have never confessed my feelings to her.
She considers us best friends. And I still love her and cannot say it.
She is the best person I have ever met. Kind, polite, confident. Which cannot be said about me. I lack confidence. I am afraid to tell her that for fifteen long years I have loved every inch of her body and soul.
When I see her, everything inside turns upside down. My heart beats so fast as if it wants to burst out of my chest. And her beauty drives me crazy. But when she is not around — the world freezes. And I am left alone with emptiness.
It happened today as well. I found out that the love of my life is leaving the city forever. I found out just before I almost dared to confess to her.
I lost my last hope. I lost myself. When I was so close to my goal, my dreams flew into the abyss.
On the day of her departure, I saw her off to the station. My heart was breaking with pain and the realization that I would never see her again.
She hugged me goodbye, quietly said a few warm words, and got on the train.
I hate myself for letting her go, for not saying so much. My life is ruined because I couldn't say three simple words: "I love you."
When the train started to move, everything inside tightened. And only now, when it was almost too late, it felt like I was hit on the head: "Better late than never."
I ran after the train. I ran as if trying to escape the inevitable. People parted, my heart was racing, my legs barely held me.
The girl peeked out the window and, with tears in her eyes, waved her hand at me.
I dashed along the platform, almost knocking people over. When the train began to pick up speed, I nearly fell while chasing her carriage. And suddenly I shouted.
— I love you!
Finally, it happened.
I stopped, breathless, feeling as if a stone heavier than years had fallen from my soul. I had carried this inside me for so long, had been silent for so long, that I began to think: "This thought will die with me."
I was so close to my goal — and I achieved it.
Now I am sure — she will return.
#love #separation #goal #work
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6 USD Work: Close to the goal
Articles & Blog PostsI want to live.
I want to breathe fresh air, feel the smell of rain after a thunderstorm, listen to the birds singing in the morning. I want to look at incredible landscapes, rejoice in the little things I used to overlook. I want to see my child grow up — how she laughs, takes her first steps into adulthood, how she learns to love the world.
… But perhaps I will never see this again.
I am only thirty. I am a cancer patient. There are medications for my illness, but their cost is such that even selling everything I have, I wouldn't be able to afford the treatment. So I work two jobs, hardly sleep, and don’t know what weekends are. Sometimes I forget what day it is because they all look the same.
Day by day I hunched over without rest: saving every penny, economizing on food, on clothes. Eventually, I had to sell my car and garage.
Time passed, the illness gnawed at me. To gather money for treatment as quickly as possible, my wife along with her parents took out a loan, but it still wasn’t enough. I saw her crying at night, thinking I couldn’t hear. And I could do nothing but work even more.
I understood: death was already standing nearby.
We launched a fundraising campaign. Relatives, friends, even distant acquaintances — everyone helped as they could. Some transferred small amounts, others organized charity events. This gave me strength.
Ten long years passed. Ten years of struggle, hope, and fear. Ten years during which my child grew up, and I aged and lost weight, but did not break. And finally — we gathered the required amount. I felt that just a little more — and I could breathe deeply. I could undergo treatment, return to my beloved job, go on vacation with my family, enjoy a simple life without constant pain and fear.
It was all almost mine. Almost.
But fate decided otherwise.
My daughter was returning from school and got hit by a car. The phone call that day cut my heart in half. Now she needs a lung transplant. I don’t even want to say how much such an operation costs — it’s an insane amount.
But I didn’t hesitate. I gave her all the money we had raised. I gave her my life, because with my illness, people don’t live long, but she still has a future. I gave away the only hope for a happy tomorrow so that she could live.
I was so close to my goal. But you can’t escape fate.
#goal #fate #sad #essay