We are launching an exciting new project and are looking for announcers with the following voice and intonation characteristics:
A sarcastic, deadpan male voice with a slight nasal tone and chaotic energy. The delivery is mostly monotone but suddenly spikes for comedic effect. Fast-paced with sharp timing, as if explaining history in a way that sounds both informative and ridiculously absurd. Think of a guy who knows too much useless information and is explaining it at 3 AM with no filter.
Voiceover reference: https://www.youtube.com/@0ffendingeverybody/videos
Please, make a test audio recording with this text if you’re interested in
this job:
“These fierce ruthless and dirty barbarians in horned helmets massacred and pillaged settlements all through medieval Europe. Yes, the Vikings. Except the horned helmets are total BS invented by nineteenth-century opera. But they surely did OWN anyone they chose to, right?
Everyone knows they brought a huge ape with a capital R to their raids, if you get what I’m saying. But then, after like two hundred years, Vikings just — puff — gone! But here’s a pickle: you’re probably thinking the Anglo-Saxons wiped them out, but that’s not it!
And the real reason of Vikings’ demise has everything to do with… SEX! And also fake news! See, some poor village was never a true prize for a real Viking. What can you take from it — some hay and a couple of slaves? You need much more to set up a farm in those cold-ass conditions of Scandinavia. But! Christian monasteries with gold and plenty of booze — these were the real deal! And when the Vikings came, monks could pray all they wanted, but the God Almighty wouldn’t save them.Probably because the old man saw what monks actually did in those monasteries! Yikes! But as Vikings sailed away with their rich bounty, they didn’t think…Of a very important thing: who controls the narrative. Those weak, shitty monks wrote a crapton of books, which are coincidentally the main source that tells us about Viking raids.
Just imagine your ex talking shit about you on all news channels twenty-four seven! And multiply it by million! But actual viking settlements paint a completely different picture: dudes took baths each Saturday, died and braided their hair and even used ear cleaner sticks! Most European men cleaned themselves once a year tops, so, by comparison, Vikings were basically gigachads. Which means, at least some women from the villages actually wanted vikings to come! And there are even records of that! And that’s exactly what ultimately doomed vikings in the end: lots of sex with those captives or, dare I say, volunteers. My proof? Well, ICELAND. Look it up on the map, can’t miss it. Seventy percent of its current population come from norse papas and celtic mamas. Meaning, those vikings dragged their new girlfriends all the way up there and settled down. And the viking who’s not raiding any more is not a viking - just a medieval norse dude with some cool stories to tell. If only they had their own monks to write it all down…”
Google Drive
Freelancehunt
