Rewrite material - improve copywriting and reduce size

a good day.
The test task has been sent to you in personal messages. Go to turn.

Show original

Translate

Good evening . I am a copywriter. I will be glad to accomplish your task. The creative approach.
It will be good if we can discuss all the nuances.
You can see my options here:
HTTPS://docs.google.com/document/d/1bK3xAt8kpb59oE_j0IE5WHuPQPIl0zxI9x6Id4sJAkY/edit
My portfolio with texts:
HTTPS://docs.google.com/document/d/10Rvs7KzitoZTvDJb1h3s-cnwy6jail_ik6RrvV4Buq0/edit

Show original

Translate

Hello to Max. Here is the edited part:

Parts: what it is and how they move
The product store occupies a separate room, in which the internal infrastructure is built. It includes:
The main entrance. It includes the shop customers.
The Black Movement. Through it they deliver goods and take waste.
- Working rooms: warehouses, kitchen, shopping room. Each of them fulfils his duties.
The Cassie. Here everything is understandable - people pay for purchases, and the casinos take the money and give the deposit.
The cabinets. These are the jobs of the director, the accountant, the staff.
…
Almost all shops are doing so. Let us understand the whole work on the particles and give them our name.


Please, I'll make your text in 1 day. I will add the structure, we will take the stunning structures. I will simply make the text easy to perceive, but there was no feeling that it was written for the debles)) I write in the infostile, but the stylist can be discussed.

Show original

Translate

Good day . We are ready to help you with this project. The test task has already been sent to personal messages. I will be happy to cooperate!

Show original

Translate

Copywriter and editor with seven years of work experience.
Before freelancer she was a tech engineer and spent a huge amount of time preparing and approving official and manufacturing instructions.
The test part was performed - reduced the volume by 30% (from 127 words to 89).
Price and deadlines are discussed, please contact

Show original

Translate

Hello to you!My name is Alexandra.
I am a copywriter, a philologist and a screenwriter.I really liked the fact that your text is not dry enough and at the same time informative.There are the traits of artistic narrative, in the head immediately paint the images of what is read, and this makes it exciting.I’m ready to take the re-right, by shortening the text, I’ll preserve this author style as much as possible.I don’t know how much the text is to be “shut”, but here’s my version:

Movement of particles
You will surely notice that the product store is a room with a beautifully decorated bright hanging.Through the black move you will carry the product supplies, and through the main they are already carried out by satisfied buyers, leaving the money on the cash.Life is swallowed inside.Each employee is engaged in his business: the carriers are shy, the cashier welcomedly serves the buyers, the accountant carries the account, and the guardian controls the order.They will soon be joined by new employees after meeting with the director.Let us understand all these things in component parts and give everything our name.

Show original

Translate

Hello to Max. I was interested in your project. In personal messages I sent you a re-right of the text part. If you have my writing style, I will be happy to collaborate. There are a few questions and proposals on order that I would like to discuss if you choose me as an executive. I will wait for a decision from you. thank you.

Show original

Translate

Hello to you. I would like to take for execution. I am ready to make a re-right of the test part, but I would like to clarify some details.

Show original

Translate

Good day Maxime! I make a beautiful rehat, removing the unnecessary words, I check through the headline. Experience in work is almost six years. The fragment was sent to L.S.

Show original

Translate

Hello Maxime !
I read the text in the document - in the sense everything is simply great, valuable and original. with the exposure of trouble. The meaning is lost after excessive words and heavy structures. I would clean the text from all the excess, give it air through the structure. Whatever I do, you can see in the test that I sent in personal messages.
About the particles. I also tried to find a more usual replacement. But I realized that it was not necessary to do that. For an incomprehensible reason, these "particles" intriguing, causing interest and retaining attention. So I would leave them.
Go to turn!

Show original

Translate

Good day .
Interested in your proposal, ready to perform the test task. I would like to discuss in the letter your wishes regarding the editing of the test fragment.
I'll be happy to work together - write to LS!

Show original

Translate

Hello Maxime !
I met the original document, I agree with you, I would also refresh the "particles". The store can be compared to the mechanism, and discuss the "particles" as details in the hours, or the body. Here is one of the possible options of how it can be done:

Interaction
In the store everything works well. The hanging calls people, the room receives the necessary people products, and the shop staff are shy, trying to improve the customer experience as much as possible. The secret of success in the harmonious interaction of all the details of the bigger mechanism. Let’s talk about how this happens.


The deadlines and the bet were indicated. Let’s write, we’ll discuss the rest.

Show original

Translate

Good day Maxime!
I will perform a quality re-rate and reduce the text without losing the essence. There are really a lot of repetitions, in most cases you can replace them with synonyms, make the proposals shorter. It shortened the fragment to 613 characters from 853. Write, I will download the result. I can also give you an example of this robot. The maximum duration of execution is specified, although I think it can be done and during the day, you need to see the whole document.
I'm looking forward to your messages, I'll be happy to collaborate!

Show original

Translate

Hello to Max!
I sent the test to L.S.
With respect, Olga

Show original

Translate

Hello to Max.

I will be interested in your project.
In copywriting for more than a year. The office officer has been 13 years. The incorrectly composed documents were seen and edited by a large number, from the organization’s statute to internal orders. The fragment resembles the statute.
Replacement of the fragment will be done during the day. I will send a personal message today. The full document in 2 days. Documents will be in the Word format, with docs.googl never worked.
I look forward to a personal message. Payment can be discussed.

Show original

Translate

Good day Maxime!
I will carry out your task quickly and quality. Experience in copywriting over 4 years. In addition, I have been a business manager for 25 years and I understand how and what it works. Ready to perform a reasonable test.

Show original

Translate

Good day . I will re-ride the document. Ready to pass the test task. But it is not as long as in the document.

Show original

Translate

Good Morning Maxime.
The text for processing was familiar - interesting and quite unusual.
Ready to perform the test task when you determine one selected fragment that is the same for all candidates.
Experience is great, I work quality, the duration of execution is a few hours.
I will be happy to cooperate.

Show original

Translate

Hello to you.

You will probably note: 

the form of the room that the store occupies;

a beautifully drawn drawing; 

Buyers who enter through the main entrance and then come out with packages of products;
…
black entrance where the goods are brought and where the waste is taken;

-Moving of numerous staff: cashers, guardians, sellers and carriers;

Small warehouse of goods;

Cabinets of the manager, accountant and manager who recruits staff.

In fact, that’s all. Let’s try to break each point into parts and connect them with each other.
The particle can be left by removing numerous repetitions and adding synonyms.

Show original

Translate

Hello Maxime ! The text was a very original presentation of the idea. The text is interesting, but a lot about the same, twisting several times. I can perform a re-right, write the same for all test tz, on the basis of which the performer will be selected.

Show original

Translate

Hello to you. The task is clear, there is experience. There is a philosophical education.

For example, I took the first three paragraphs:

What is a company or organization?

We work in one of BeriDari’s branches and therefore it is important to give a definition of this word and understand how we work.

It is known that every company produces a certain product. It is clear that in order to make a cash exchange for this product, it must be valuable and complete.
…
To better understand the organizational structure of the company, we will take any enterprise and carefully consider all its aspects. The nearest supermarket. What can we see?

As you can see, I have removed a few suggestions and refrated the “covered” places and, at all, retained consistency and essence. I hope for cooperation!

Show original

Translate

Good day . It is ready to take the project and write the text easily readable, and most importantly "understood" by the reader.

Contact us, the test is ready!

Show original

Translate

Hello to you! I am pleased to do this work for you. Write, we will discuss details and your wishes.

Show original

Translate

How the company works.
BeriDari, and more precisely one of the units, is our team. It is worth paying this attention, specifically to the distribution of our team, and to understand the principle of work.

The first paragraph.

Too much water at the beginning. I’ve been working with Clipper for more than a year and I’ll be happy to collaborate.

I will do everything in accordance with the TZ and in time.

Show original

Translate

Good time for the day!
Ready to implement your project. I’m waiting for LS!

Show original

Translate

Let’s work together) I will perform according to your requirements.Details in LS.

Show original

Translate

Good afternoon :)
Ready to fulfill your task!The !
Write, we will discuss details.

Show original

Translate